


five messes eliot had to clean up (and one he didn’t)

by lovebeyondmeasure



Category: Leverage
Genre: 5+1 Things, F/M, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Multi, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-20
Updated: 2017-12-20
Packaged: 2019-02-17 14:19:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13078659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovebeyondmeasure/pseuds/lovebeyondmeasure
Summary: Eliot couldn’t even be mad about the fact that he was covered in peanut butter after that.





	five messes eliot had to clean up (and one he didn’t)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [seraphina_snape](https://archiveofourown.org/users/seraphina_snape/gifts).



> Shoutout to my friends J and K, who helped me get unstuck when I was severely stuck. Dear Sera, I hope you enjoy this!! Happy Christmas!!

1.

 

“I cannot believe,” Eliot managed to say as he ran, “that this is how today is ending.”

“What do you mean, how this day is ending?” Hardison’s voice crackled over the comm. “It’s barely 6 pm!”

“Yeah, and it’s over as soon as I take off these fucking shoes,” Eliot said, skidding around a corner. “Dress shoes are bad enough, but brown leather with _buckles_? It’s insulting, man.”

“Hey! Do not disrespect the- I cannot believe,” Hardison said, “the total _lack_ of appreciation for my disguises, the utter-”

“Parker,” Eliot barked, “are you done yet? I don’t know how long I can keep these guys distracted.”

“Almost!” He could hear Parker’s concentration in her voice. “I’ll be out in 20.”

“Minutes?!” Eliot glanced over his shoulder at the men following him.

“Seconds.” The satisfaction was followed by a distinct _click_.

“Good,” Eliot grinned ferally. “I’m tired of letting this guys chase me.”

A few minutes later, Eliot opened the door to the van, wiping saliva off his knuckles. “So where’s the- aw, hell, Hardison.”

There were two men unconscious in the back of the van, both bound with zipties and gagged. 

“What’s this?”

“Hey, I was- it was self defense, and you know, I did that thing with my hand that you showed me, you know, with the heel of my hand, and-”

Parker cut him off. “They tried to break in so I tasered them. What should we do with them?”

Eliot shook his head at his partners, heaving one of the limp bodies over his shoulder. “You couldn’t figure that out for yourselves? Aren’t you adults? Clean up your own messes!”

The tiny thief shrugged at him. “You’re so much better at this than I am.”

“I’m wearin’ a nice suit, too!” Eliot walked across the alleyway with one of the men slung over his shoulder, muttering.

—————————— 

2\. 

Parker was dangling upside down from a bar mounted across the doorway. Hardison, still mostly asleep, nearly walked right into her.

“Oh, hey, babe,” Hardison mumbled, reaching out to pat the nearest bit of Parker that presented itself. It was her upper thigh. She smiled serenely, her hair loose. 

“Hi,” she said comfortably. “Need to get by?”

“Yeah,” he said, rubbing his eyes.

“That sucks, I don’t wanna move.”

Hardison considered his recalcitrant girlfriend. “Babe, I know you like being upside down. I get that. I do. I mean, I don’t _get_ it, but you know. Uh. How about this, though: if you let me through this door, I’ll make us some pancakes.”

One eye popped open. “Will they have….. chocolate chips?”

“As many as I can put in and still call them pancakes with a straight face,” Hardison promised, one hand raised like a boy scout.

“Okay then,” Parker said, flipping gracefully onto the floor. Hardison dropped a kiss on her head as he went past, ducking under the bar with the ease of long practice.

“What about sprinkles?” Parker called into the kitchen as she resumed her inverted position.

“What color?”

The smile that broke across her face could only be described as “predatory.”

Two hours later, Eliot let himself into the apartment, bags of groceries in his arms.

“I know it’s almost midnight, but I was thinking- oh, hell no! No, not this again,” Eliot swore, dropping the groceries onto the dining table. “What kind of nonsense- I’m not cleaning this up!”

Eliot stalked into the open kitchen, glaring at the powdery pancake mix that dusted nearly every surface, the drips on the stove and countertop, the dirty dishes left out haphazardly. Sprinkles crunched underfoot.

“I can’t keep enabling them,” he said under his breath as he reached for a sponge. “This is ridiculous. Who needs three mixing bowls just for pancakes?”

—————————— 

3\. 

Eliot was thinking about calling Sophie for this one; lord knew he was no kind of grifter, and they needed a real one. He was staring at his phone, considering his options, when it buzzed in his hand.

Hardison had texted him a string of random emojis. Eliot stared at them for a minute, trying to divine if there was any rhyme or reason to it; sometimes Hardison claimed he was sending actual messages with the tiny images.

Eliot had told him, “that’s what _words_ are for!” multiple times, but the hacker would not be deterred, calling them “the communication of the future.”

However, no matter how he parsed it, “house - present - snowflake - blue heart - blue heart - unicorn - computer” didn’t mean anything. He tried calling, but it went straight to voicemail.

“Huh,” Eliot said, tossing his hair out of his eyes. Without conscious thought, his feet were carrying him back toward the apartment that served as their headquarters as well as their living space.

Five minutes later, Eliot opened the door, and found that he was not experiencing the level of surprise that a normal person would be.

“Again?” he growled, unsheathing a knife as he walked toward where Parker and Hardison were dangling about four feet off the ground, ensnarled completely in one of Parker’s rigs. 

“We were doing fine until Hardison panicked!” Parker said accusingly, her arms bound straight down at her sides.

“Until I…. panicked?” Hardison said. He was hanging slightly sideways, and sounded as though he wasn’t getting enough oxygen.

“You’re both idiots,” Eliot said as he began sawing through one of the ropes attaching them to the ceiling.

“Hey! This is one of my new rigs! Don’t just cut the ropes!”

“Parker,” Eliot said. “I’m not spending the next hour untangling you two from your own nonsense.”

“Thank you,” Hardison gasped. “Please get me down.”

“I’m _working_ on it!” One rope cut, two more to go.

“Did you… get my text?”

“The random emojis?” Eliot spit some of his hair out of his mouth. “Yeah, I got it.”

“Told you it would… work.”

“You sound very smug for a guy who’s hanging from the ceiling.” Eliot ran one hand over Hardison’s scalp. The hacker grinned at him woozily.

“Don’t cut my rig!” Parker said, hanging from the other side of the bundle. “It’s new!”

“Maybe you shoulda thought of that before getting _stuck in it_.”

Second rope down, and Eliot stepped back as the other two dropped the last few feet to hit the floor with a painful sounding thud.

“Sweet floor… sweet, sweet floor…. I’ll never leave you again,” Hardison was saying, splaying his limbs out as much as possible to hug the hardwood.

“Don’t be such a baby, it wasn’t that bad,” Parker said, wriggling free of the remaining lines. “We’ll just have to wait to try again until I’ve fixed my _new rig_ back up.”

“Try again? No. Hell no. I’m staying here, on the ground.”

Eliot just shook his head at the other two, grabbing himself a beer from the fridge and rolling his eyes, hiding a fond smile behind the brown glass.

—————————— 

4\. 

Eliot could hear Hardison’s babbling over the comms, and knew the other man needed a rescue. He sighed, walking toward the hotel where the mark was staying. For someone counterfeiting an FBI agent, he really wasn’t doing well with this stuff.

As he passed Parker, who was leading a bewildered looking woman through the lobby, she palmed him a slim leather wallet.

“I’m telling you, I need a room on the fourth floor,” Hardison was saying to the exasperated clerk. 

“Sir, that’s under reserve by the federal government, I can’t put you on that floor.”

“I keep telling you, I am part of the federal government! This is my badge!” Hardison held out the counterfeit badge that proclaimed him “Agent Thomas.”

Ducking behind a sad-looking ficus, Eliot rummaged through the wallet Parker had slipped him, removing the ID card to replace it with his own.

“There you are, man, what’s taking so long?” Eliot called to Hardison, walking confidently up the the desk. “Agent Rossi’s been looking everywhere for you!”

“I- uh-” Hardison might be an idiot, but he was no fool. “This clerk won’t book me onto the fourth floor!”

“Really?” Eliot leaned on the desk, evaluating the clerk’s reaction to his charm. Well, in this case, lack of reaction. She was utterly impervious, which gave Eliot an idea.

“Is it that there aren’t any more rooms available? Because if that’s the case, you can just book him into mine,” Eliot said with a sidelong look at the other man. 

The clerk’s eyes jumped between them. Eliot held her gaze. 

“Is he your…. partner?” she asked, slowly.

Eliot hooked a finger into one of Hardison’s pockets, tugging him closer. He leaned forward, conspiratorially. 

“Well, he’s not my partner…. but he is my _partner_ , if you catch my drift.” He winked.

Hardison was stiff against his side for a moment before relaxing against him, a comfortingly familiar weight. 

“Here’s my badge, I’m in room 422,” Eliot said, flipping open the wallet to reveal an FBI badge. 

“Agent….” The woman tapped on the keyboard. “Reid?”

“That’s me.” He gave her a grin that might have worked on a woman who found men attractive.

“Alright, Agent Thomas, you’re booked in room 422. Here’s your key card, and have a pleasant stay.” The woman looked between them, something soft in her eyes.

Hardison took the card without comment. Eliot led them both toward the elevator, his arm slung around the hacker.

“So you’re my boyfriend now, _Agent Reid?_ ” Hardison asked, smiling, as they got in an empty elevator. 

“Guess I am,” Eliot said, looking up at him. They shared a long moment, just looking at each other, and Eliot felt a smile sneak onto his face.

“Guys!” Parker hissed over the comms. “I think the real FBI agents might figure out that we’re, y’know, not actual agents! These ones seem less trusting than McSweeten.”

“McSweeten’s so trusting because he’s got a big cru-”

Eliot was cut off by Hardison’s elbow to his chest. He glared at the hacker, back on their familiar even keel.

“Hang on, Eliot will be there soon,” Hardison said. 

“I’ll be-”

“I gotta go hack the FBI, so unless you can do that, you’re on your way,” Hardison said, backing out of the elevator and wiggling his fingers in the air. 

“You-”

“See you later, honey!” Hardison called as the doors closed.

—————————— 

5\. 

Eliot woke up to the sound of a frustrated Parker. This wasn’t especially noteworthy, except that it was about 3 in the morning and she sounded like she was going to cry.

“Parker?” He stood in the doorway of his bedroom, searching for where the thief might be perched. She was standing in plain view, on the floor, in the kitchen, tugging at her hair.

“Parker, what’s wrong?”

She looked up from her hair to meet his eyes, and she looked emotional in a way that was utterly unlike her.

“I got gum in my hair,” she said in a small voice. “I can’t get it out, and I don’t want to cut it off.”

“Alright,” Eliot said softly. “We can fix that. Why don’t you sit down, and I’ll see what I can do.”

She sniffled as she slid onto one of the stools beside the counter. Eliot didn’t probe for information, instead focusing on the rummage for peanut butter. Why did they only have chunky?

After a minute, Parker began to speak. “When I was a kid, my mom used to brush my hair. And she always told me how my hair was so nice, like hers. And now it’s… I think it’s the only thing of hers I have left.”

Eliot nodded, staring into a cupboard full of cereal. He could understand that.

“I’ll get the gum out, Parker,” he said quietly. “Gimme a minute.” He knew there was a jar in here somewhere.

“Alright,” she said, wiping her nose on her shirt. “I don’t even like gum that much.”

He found the jar of Skippy shoved behind two bags of Chex Mix, which was weird, because none of them ever ate Chex Mix.

“Hang on, darlin’. We’ll get that out real quick.”

She made a humming noise of agreement, and continued playing with the ends of her hair. Eliot stood behind her, scooping the peanut butter out with his fingers to work it into and around the huge wad of bubble gum that had taken up residence on Parker’s head.

“You’re gonna need to shower when this is done, okay?”

“Okay,” she said softly. “Thanks for helping me.”

“Of course,” Eliot said, unwilling to put one of his peanut-buttery hands on her but wanting to give comfort all the same. He settled for leaning down to press a kiss against the crown of her head. “That’s what family is for, right?”

“Yeah,” she said softly. “Family.”

Eliot considered washing his hands, but knew he’d just get them gross again taking the gum out. He stepped around the stool to look Parker in the eye.

“You’re my family, now, you and Hardison both, you know that, right?” He felt slightly ridiculous with his sticky hands, but he wanted Parker to see he was serious.

“Yeah,” she said again, looking up at him. “We’re a family.” And then, to Eliot’s surprise, she reached out to wrap her arms around his waist, pressing her head against his chest. “Thank you for saving my hair,” she said, muffled by his shirt.

After a moment, Eliot wrapped his arms around her, and they stayed there in the pre-dawn light for who knows how long.

Eliot couldn’t even be mad about the fact that he was covered in peanut butter after that. 

—————————— 

And 1.

“If you mention that music video _one more time_ , Hardison, I swear to god…”

“Hey, it’s some of my best work to date!”

“I know! Because you barely talked about anything else on the whole plane ride home.”

“Both of you shut up,” Parker ordered, unlocking the door with a key, which told Eliot how tired she was. Normally she picked the lock, as a point of pride. “The job is over and now we can go to sleep.”

“You didn’t sleep on the plane?” Hardison asked. Parker gave him a look that said clearly how dumb a question that was.

“We’re home, and we’re going to bed,” Parker repeated, dropping the bags she was carrying as she walked through the common areas towards the bedroom door. “Come on.”

The men watched as she continued to shed items, first her coat, then her shoes, her sweater, her skirt….

“Bedtime,” Hardison said. “Right. Sleeping.” He, too, tossed his things onto any open surface as he followed the thief.

Eliot stood in the doorway, surveying the space. They had rushed to pack while in the middle of breakfast, so there was three-day-old food on the counter that needed to be dealt with, dirty laundry left where it had been dropped, and now more clothing and luggage just left on the floor. It was worse than usual, and that was saying something.

“What the hell,” Eliot shrugged. “They can deal with it in the morning.”

He followed the others to the bedroom, taking off his coat.

“Come to bed,” Parker said plaintively, seeing his silhouette in the doorway. “Our bed, not your other one.”

“Hey, I’ve got good reasons for keeping a separate bedroom,” Eliot said for what felt like the thousandth time as he shucked off his jeans.

“Whatever, man,” Hardison said. “Parker’s right, we’ve all been awake way too long. Come to bed.”

Eliot dropped his shirt on the floor, where it landed on top of one of Parker’s harnesses. “This place is a disaster.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Hardison said, stretching out one arm. “We can deal with it tomorrow.”

“Okay,” Eliot said, crawling up the bed to get under the covers. “Sure.”

Parker turned to tuck herself into Eliot’s chest, and Hardison wrapped an arm around Eliot’s waist, easy in his role of big spoon.

“I’m not cleaning up the goddamn cereal, though,” Eliot said softly.

“Man, shut up and go to sleep.”

Parker nuzzled him gently, and Hardison pressed a kiss to the back of his neck, and Eliot found that he could, in fact, let it go.


End file.
